Ya Girl Is On The Struggle Bus

Hey y’all. I’m going to be honest. Ya girl is sitting front row on the struggle bus. Work is kicking my butt and my anxiety is running pretty high as Sterling’s Annual Review is next week. I have been working on a few blogs but just don’t feel like they’re ready to post. I want to bring you the real but I also don’t want to babble. 

This is a huge meeting for Sterling as we’re developing a plan to integrate him back into district. He says he’s ready… I’m SCARED. I know he can do well. He’s been preparing for this moment for some time. There will be some changes to his IEP and based on a phone conversation I had Monday, I may have to stand my ground to keep some services in place. Right now, Sterling is thriving and I want to keep that momentum going. He’s starting to inquire about high and college and what that would look like for him. I want to make sure he gets the support he needs to succeed.

I feel like I’m starting to babble…deep breaths Jessy..deep breaths. 

This school year has been amazing…he’s excelling and the smile on his face when he comes home warms my soul. It has been quite a journey to get here and we are nowhere near finished. I received a packet today from the district with the information needed for next week’s meeting. I’m saying a silent prayer that I don’t lose my cool or cry…both of which have happened in the past. 

I have taken the day off from work. Regardless of how this goes I will need time to decompress. This journey is exhausting but I believe you’re never given more than you can handle. 

Until next time! Love and Light. 

For The Love Of Parenting

Growing up I felt like my mom was the absolute worst person on earth when she disciplined me. She was short but mighty! I recall getting a few pops in my youth but nothing I feel like I need to work through in therapy. My dad was the total opposite. He never raised his voice…cool as a cucumber…but whenever he was in the disciplinarian seat I felt sooooo bad y’all! Like he would just say my name…Jessica…and I would immediately feel remorseful. When you compare parenting styles I think my dad would’ve been labeled the gentle parent. I’m not going to see here and have y’all thinking my mom’s parenting style left me traumatized or feeling less of a person because it definitely didn’t. She was hard but I appreciate it. 

If you follow me on Instagram you know that I shared my adoption story. I briefly touched on my biological mother being a young teen and felt it was in my best interest to be raised by a family who could provide for me. In hindsight, I think my mom chose her parenting style with an emphasis on trying to keep me from making mistakes that would possibly effect my future. I wasn’t happy about it growing up and definitely had moments of resentment but as an adult I am ever so grateful. I feel like my parenting style is the perfect mix of my parents. I am firm when I need to be but also able to provide that gentle side as well. 

Being a parent to an autistic child I feel like you have to really step outside your comfort zone. Parenting is very different. My husband, Kai, had to deprogram himself. He said he realized he had to take step back and analyze himself. He went on to say that he observed and researched, restructured his emotional theme, and most importantly, became more open to feedback. The most important thing here is being able to be open and honest with yourself so you can create new habits. The reward was being able to build a stronger relationship with Sterling where he wasn’t fearful of being reprimanded. 

I realized way before he was diagnosed that raising my voice wasn’t an option as the one time I did it I saw fear in his eyes and I don’t want my child to fear me. I’ve always spoken to Sterling like he was a person and not a baby. I remember the conversation I had with him when he was born. I said “ Sterling..I have no idea what I’m doing but I promise I won’t kill you.” I swear he smiled. From then on I always kept it 100 with him, he was and still is my sidekick. If he needs to be disciplined we sit down and have a conversation. In most cases, Sterling is able to acknowledge when he is in the wrong and is accepting of his consequence. At times, he can be really hard on himself and I choose not to add salt to injury so we move on. 

The parenting style conversation has come up a lot as of late. I love to hear how others are parenting and take note of things I would like to incorporate into my style. There is no guide to perfect parenting. My style may not work for your child and yours may not work for mine. What’s most important is providing a loving and supportive foundation where the child can flourish. I knew growing up my parents always had my back but wouldn’t uphold me when I was in the wrong, and that’s exactly my goal with Sterling.  

I’d love to have an open dialogue about this. There’s a IG and Facebook post that goes along with my weekly blog post. Please feel free to pop over to either post and drop a comment about your parenting style. There could be a parent who could benefit for some nuggets of wisdom. 

Until next time! Love and Light.

Who is Jessy Bianca…

Hey Y’all! 

I’d like to be honest and say I have been dragging my feet with getting the blog off the ground. I was never one who enjoyed writing papers in college and this kinda felt like writing a paper. I feel like I’ve finally had an “AH HA” moment where I’m ready to dive in. 

So…

First and foremost…introductions! 

I am Jessy Bianca…you can call me Jessy! I’m a wife, mom, sister, friend…you name it, I’m it! I have been in the field of mental health for over 20 years, specifically, children and young adults.  I have the privilege of being a mom to a twice exceptional son, Sterling. My hubby, Kai, is an amazing photographer (www.niikaiwells.com) . I have four bonus kids as well as two very spoiled dogs. I am a tomboy but I try to make it chic. I’ll give you a full face of makeup in a hoodie and sneakers LOL. Bougie on a budget is what I know best. I love all things luxury but I’m definitely looking for a coupon first! I want everybody to win! I try to keep my circle full of like minded individuals who lift each other up and support. If I sound like someone you’d like to get to know more please stick around!