Cognitive Behavioral Therapy..The Way It’s Helped Sterling

Having a child with a developmental disability can be hard. This road has not been easy. Sterling has been through so much. I thank God daily for the resilience and optimism he has and I pray it continues for the rest of his life. When we first started navigating this road, I had to have a heart to heart with myself. I have worked with the adolescent and latency population for 20+ years. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be on this side of the coin. I’m grateful for knowledge I have as well as the village and support I receive from the professional and personal relationships I have built over the years. With this support, Sterling has been able to thrive. While Sterling has a medication regimen that supports and provides some normalcy in his life, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has truly been a game changer for us.  

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a psycho-social intervention that aims to reduce symptoms of various mental health conditions including anxiety and depressions. Sterling has always been able to push through the anxiety and worrisome barriers with support, but as he continues to grow and mature, his clinical team and I felt it was time for him to work through some of his biggest fears. We started CBT therapy in December 2020. The psychologist started by first developing a rapport with Sterling, making sure he felt comfortable to talk freely with her. She would incorporate his favorite characters into treatment plans and “homework” she wanted all of us to work on. Some of Sterling’s fears included being alone in the dark as well as not being smart “enough”. 

Over the past year, Sterling has worked been able to work through so much. Night time was a huge struggle. Due to his anxiety and insomnia, Sterling used to be afraid to go to sleep alone. I would have to be in his room with his until he was soundly sleeping. Some nights, he could make it through the entire night while others we would be up numerous times trying to settle his body and mind enough for him to get some sleep. I am happy to report that Sterling is now able to get to sleep and stay asleep the majority of the time. There are still some times when he’s feeling anxious and struggles to fall asleep but those nights are almost nonexistent.

 I realized I was adding to Sterling’s stress when it came to school. Once I let go of my rigid expectations and met Sterling where he was, he seemed to settle. Sterling is currently in a therapeutic setting for school where standardized testing is voluntary. Last year his teacher asked if I wanted him to be excused from testing. At first I thought, with him being virtual, it may be a good idea to skip this year. Then I thought, this would a great opportunity for us to see just exactly where he was in respect to 4th grade standards. So he was able to take the ELA and Math exams alone with his teacher. She read him the directions to make sure he understood what he needed to do. We didn’t receive the results until the beginning of this school year and I was very happy to see he scored above average for ELA and average for Math. Sterling was happy to see this as well. I think this gave him a boost in confidence with testing. 

We’re getting ready to embark on new territory. Middle School. I wasn’t sure what this would look like as I am really not a fan of the therapeutic middle school options. To my surprise, Sterling expressed interest in returning to an in district school. I asked him if he felt he was ready and he said yes. I bought this up during one of his therapy sessions and his psychologist asked him why he felt he was ready. Sterling replied that he felt he would be okay in a bigger classroom and felt he has been able to control his anxiety for larger groups of people and places. I can’t believe we have made it here. Me being me, I made a phone call to the district chairperson to discuss this and what the transition would look like. I am thankful that his home district has been supportive in this journey. The chairperson stated they would reach out to the school psychologist where Sterling would be transitioning to to connect them with myself and Sterling’s current teacher and counselor. We will be meeting next month to review his IEP as well as develop a plan to support Sterling and his transition to a new school. 

 What made my own anxiety about this relax a little was the chairperson asked if I was ready for this. I am a firm believer that a child will let you know when they are ready for monumental moments and it’s our job as their parent or caregiver to support them. Sterling has taken a huge step in verbalizing he’s ready for change. I will do whatever is in my power to make it as smooth as I can. 

Will Cognitive Behavioral Therapy work for you or your child? I can’t answer that. What I can say is try everything until you find what works. There is no precise method to navigating developmental disabilities and mental health but there is a huge community of people who have been where you are. Do not be afraid to ask questions. I want to use my platform to offer as much knowledge and as many resources as I can. If you have any questions or are struggling with finding any resources. Please send me an email. I will do my best to connect you with resources. 

Friends…How Many Of Us Have Them?

friend- (n) person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection

Friends…How many of us have them? *singing in my Whodini voice*

Have y’all ever experienced a “friend” who always felt like they needed to one up you? Let’s say you just copped a cute ass Coach bag or fresh pair of 1’s and this friend says “oh well I just got a new LV and matching sneakers.” Why are some females like this? I’ve asked myself this question often as I’ve had several interactions like this in my lifetime. Not only is this is a turn off but it’s tacky. I love sharing my purchases with my friends, not to show off but to display my fly shit. The unspoken competition that has developed among women is so catty to me. The nice nasty attitudes and the passive aggressive comments they think putting “LOLs” or smiley faces at the end to make it okay, burns me up! I am extremely non confrontational and at my age I’d rather cut my loses. I just don’t have the energy. 

Friendship is supposed to be an authentic experience where you feel comfortable being yourself. You shouldn’t have to worry about shady boots energy from someone who really isn’t down for you. My circle has gone through some growing pains over the last few years. I’ve connected with some awesome people as well as having to let go of some folks whose negative energy was weighing me down. I feel like I’m a pretty cool person and do my best to be a great friend. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for the other person to do the same.

 My mom always told me some people are around for a lifetime of seasons while others are here for only a few. I know my worth as a friend and I value the friendships that I have. Adulting is already hard, you should have a circle that allows you to be you without jealousy or judgement.

I’m going to end of this note, I see a lot of people saying “no new friends” and to be honest that’s not the vibe I’m on. I’ve built some amazing friendships with women from social media. Women who, once we met, instantly clicked. I’m open to anybody who is genuine.

Y’all know I want all of us to win. There is definitely room at the table for us all to eat!

Who is Jessy Bianca…

Hey Y’all! 

I’d like to be honest and say I have been dragging my feet with getting the blog off the ground. I was never one who enjoyed writing papers in college and this kinda felt like writing a paper. I feel like I’ve finally had an “AH HA” moment where I’m ready to dive in. 

So…

First and foremost…introductions! 

I am Jessy Bianca…you can call me Jessy! I’m a wife, mom, sister, friend…you name it, I’m it! I have been in the field of mental health for over 20 years, specifically, children and young adults.  I have the privilege of being a mom to a twice exceptional son, Sterling. My hubby, Kai, is an amazing photographer (www.niikaiwells.com) . I have four bonus kids as well as two very spoiled dogs. I am a tomboy but I try to make it chic. I’ll give you a full face of makeup in a hoodie and sneakers LOL. Bougie on a budget is what I know best. I love all things luxury but I’m definitely looking for a coupon first! I want everybody to win! I try to keep my circle full of like minded individuals who lift each other up and support. If I sound like someone you’d like to get to know more please stick around!