For The Love Of Parenting
There is no guide to perfect parenting. My style may not work for your child and yours may not work for mine. What’s most important is providing a loving and supportive foundation where the child can flourish. I knew growing up my parents always had my back but wouldn’t uphold me when I was in the wrong, and that’s exactly my goal with Sterling.
Growing up I felt like my mom was the absolute worst person on earth when she disciplined me. She was short but mighty! I recall getting a few pops in my youth but nothing I feel like I need to work through in therapy. My dad was the total opposite. He never raised his voice…cool as a cucumber…but whenever he was in the disciplinarian seat I felt sooooo bad y’all! Like he would just say my name…Jessica…and I would immediately feel remorseful. When you compare parenting styles I think my dad would’ve been labeled the gentle parent. I’m not going to see here and have y’all thinking my mom’s parenting style left me traumatized or feeling less of a person because it definitely didn’t. She was hard but I appreciate it.
If you follow me on Instagram you know that I shared my adoption story. I briefly touched on my biological mother being a young teen and felt it was in my best interest to be raised by a family who could provide for me. In hindsight, I think my mom chose her parenting style with an emphasis on trying to keep me from making mistakes that would possibly effect my future. I wasn’t happy about it growing up and definitely had moments of resentment but as an adult I am ever so grateful. I feel like my parenting style is the perfect mix of my parents. I am firm when I need to be but also able to provide that gentle side as well.
Being a parent to an autistic child I feel like you have to really step outside your comfort zone. Parenting is very different. My husband, Kai, had to deprogram himself. He said he realized he had to take step back and analyze himself. He went on to say that he observed and researched, restructured his emotional theme, and most importantly, became more open to feedback. The most important thing here is being able to be open and honest with yourself so you can create new habits. The reward was being able to build a stronger relationship with Sterling where he wasn’t fearful of being reprimanded.
I realized way before he was diagnosed that raising my voice wasn’t an option as the one time I did it I saw fear in his eyes and I don’t want my child to fear me. I’ve always spoken to Sterling like he was a person and not a baby. I remember the conversation I had with him when he was born. I said “ Sterling..I have no idea what I’m doing but I promise I won’t kill you.” I swear he smiled. From then on I always kept it 100 with him, he was and still is my sidekick. If he needs to be disciplined we sit down and have a conversation. In most cases, Sterling is able to acknowledge when he is in the wrong and is accepting of his consequence. At times, he can be really hard on himself and I choose not to add salt to injury so we move on.
The parenting style conversation has come up a lot as of late. I love to hear how others are parenting and take note of things I would like to incorporate into my style. There is no guide to perfect parenting. My style may not work for your child and yours may not work for mine. What’s most important is providing a loving and supportive foundation where the child can flourish. I knew growing up my parents always had my back but wouldn’t uphold me when I was in the wrong, and that’s exactly my goal with Sterling.
I’d love to have an open dialogue about this. There’s a IG and Facebook post that goes along with my weekly blog post. Please feel free to pop over to either post and drop a comment about your parenting style. There could be a parent who could benefit for some nuggets of wisdom.
Until next time! Love and Light.